If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
For some of us, suicide feels like the only way out, the only solution to our deep, relentless inner pain. We feel it’s the only way to relieve the sadness, shame and fear we’re struggling with. For many of us, our pain is with us constantly. We no longer find joy or contentment in the things we once did. We don’t feel like ourselves. Sometimes we feel as though we can’t even recognize ourselves. We feel the nagging, heavy weight of panic that consumes us and makes us unable to live functional lives. What are some of the reasons why we consider suicide?
When we’re inundated with shame, we convince ourselves we’re bad people, monsters even. We don’t feel we deserve to be forgiven, either by ourselves or the people we’ve hurt. We can feel as though even our higher power can’t forgive us, we’re simply too shameful. When we feel this badly about ourselves, we feel desperate to escape. Suicide can feel like the only option. We may not have considered therapy, medication, spiritual practice, or energy healing. Many of us give up on ourselves before we’ve even exhausted all our healing options. We feel hopeless, heartbroken and defeated. We feel there’s no way out.
Another reason why we consider suicide is because we feel like a burden on our loved ones and on the world. We feel our existence does more harm than good. We tally up our mistakes and wrongdoings, and our shame and lack of self-forgiveness convince us that the world would be better off without us in it. This is a sad, scary, painful emotional state we find ourselves in. We convince ourselves that taking our own lives will actually be doing our families and friends a favor. We don’t think about how much pain the tragedy of our loss would cause our loved ones. We don’t think about the agony they would feel, all the unanswered questions we’d be leaving them with. We don’t know that they might always blame themselves and wonder what they could have done differently to keep us alive.
When we’re suicidal, we often assume that our future will be a reflection of the past. We think that our past experiences will dictate how our futures unfold, and that our current painful circumstances mean we can never hope for a different kind of future. We assume that because we feel disconnected from our purpose and our mission now, we always will. We think that because we feel so disconnected from our inner selves now, we’ll always feel that way.
When we are suicidal, we aren’t usually able to consider all of the different possible solutions we could try. We don’t think of all of the permanent consequences from this one act. We’re too deeply entrenched in our pain to see that there might be another way out of it.
Riverside Recovery is a drug and alcohol treatment center offering a full continuum of care for people suffering from addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders. We understand the emotional challenges of addiction recovery and are here to support you. Call us today for more information: (800) 871-5440.