Adult children of alcoholics share 8 common traits: social isolation, difficulty in romantic relationships, impulsivity, a victim narrative, overcommitment, constant approval-seeking, harsh judgment of others and themselves, and their own substance use disorders.
Alcohol use disorder develops in people of every background, and it reaches past the individual to family members and friends. A child who grows up with a parent who has alcohol use disorder carries that stress into adulthood, where the effects of a dysfunctional home continue.
The 8 traits below describe patterns, not a diagnosis. Where they describe you, reach out to a professional.
1. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Feel Socially Isolated?
Social isolation begins in childhood, where classmates avoided the house with the parent who drank, and the difficulty fitting in carries into adulthood. Adult children of alcoholics report feeling different from the people around them, and they struggle to identify what a typical response looks like in a given social situation.
That uncertainty blocks the formation of strong relationships with family members and friends, and it drives dysfunction and mental health conditions.
2. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Struggle in Romantic Relationships?
Social isolation carries into romantic relationships, where adult children of alcoholics stay on edge, avoid commitment, and hold boundaries that a partner finds hard to understand. A person raised around a parent with alcohol use disorder leaves suddenly when a family member is intoxicated and at risk of harm. A romantic partner struggles to understand that pattern, and the adult child struggles to set the boundaries a healthy relationship needs.
Adult children of alcoholics grow up inside toxic relationships, so a toxic romantic relationship registers as normal. A toxic relationship then holds them far longer than is safe, which sets them up to get hurt.
3. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Act Impulsively?
Impulsivity is the most common trait adult children of alcoholics share: they act on a situation without weighing the consequences, a habit that begins with the fast decisions a child makes around a parent with alcohol use disorder.
A child in that home responds quickly to handle difficult situations, and that response becomes the way they handle every situation in adult life.
Adult children of alcoholics then spend time repairing problems their own impulsive behavior created.
4. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics See Themselves as Victims?
Adult children of alcoholics were victimized as children, and that history carries forward into seeing themselves as the victim in most situations. The blame lands on the way they grew up, or on the absence of a stable parental figure, in situations that call for taking responsibility for their own actions.
The pattern shows as claiming they were forced to act because someone else acted first. Acknowledging a mistake is hard, so the mistake repeats, which places them in a harder situation.
5. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Overcommit?
A child who stepped in for an intoxicated parent learns to control everything and put out fires fast, and that habit becomes overcommitment in adult life. Adult children of alcoholics take care of everyone, including people outside the home.
Saying no is hard, so adult children of alcoholics overextend, agreeing to commitments beyond their capacity and then fearing they will let that person down once the commitment proves undeliverable.
A child raised in that environment struggles to follow through on promises as an adult.
6. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Seek Constant Approval?
A child who did not receive a parent’s approval seeks approval from other people as an adult, which makes criticism hard to take. ACoAs place heavy weight on the opinions of others.
Constructive criticism registers as an attack. ACoAs dismiss it as though the other person does not understand the situation, and they shut down a conversation once it turns uncomfortable.
7. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Judge Others and Themselves?
Adult children of alcoholics spent childhood cleaning up after the people around them, and that history produces heavy judgment of other people and of themselves. Forgiving someone a mistake is hard, because the resentment of the environment they were raised in is still present.
The resentment extends inward. So much was expected of them as children that they hold themselves to the same standard as adults. Falling short of that standard rarely earns their own forgiveness, and the resentment of others and of themselves builds.
8. Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Develop Substance Use Disorders?
Substance use disorders carry a genetic component, which places adult children of alcoholics at greater risk despite their first-hand knowledge of the damage. ACoAs know exactly how destructive a substance use disorder is, and they develop one anyway.
ACoAs turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with stress, difficult situations and physical pain, which raises the risk of addiction further.
Nobody goes through this alone. Professionals are available to help.
Where Can Adult Children of Alcoholics Get Help?
Riverside Recovery of Tampa treats adult children of alcoholics through addiction therapy and drug and alcohol treatment that addresses the whole family system. Alcohol use disorder reaches entire families. ACA meetings, a twelve-step fellowship distinct from Al-Anon, support that recovery.
Children of parents with alcohol use disorder share common personality traits, and low self-esteem drives struggles with interpersonal and intimate relationships.
Riverside Recovery of Tampa customizes your treatment plan to meet your needs. Reach out today to schedule an appointment and begin work on your emotional sobriety.